SOBRAN LAS PALABRAS

JUNTA DE FIRMAS N°2

Propongo, mediante la presente, que modifiquemos un cierto dicho popular y que lo adaptemos a nuestro país: Propongo reemplazar: "¿Qué le hace una mancha más al tigre?" ...por: "¿Qué le hace una lancha más al tigre?" Todo el crédito va al autor de este movimiento. Yo solo me encargo de publicarlo.

EL GRAN PAÍS DEL NORTE (pero no Brasil, el otro)

Cuando hacemos referencia a USA, lo llamamos "el gran país del Norte", y generalmente es para achacarle grandes aportes a la humanidad o para maravillarnos . Lo que Uds. no sabían, ¡es que hasta USA tiene su propio "gran país del norte"!: Canadá. La propaganda yankee existe para hacernos creer al resto del mundo que ellos son el único caldo de cultivo de la genialidad humana. Parte de esta campaña propagandística es esconder el pasado de todos aquellos hijos adoptivos que no nacieron en alguno de los 51 estados. Yo me pregunto: ¿Que sería de USA sin Canadá? El gran país del norte del gran país del norte, tiene su propio Camino de la Fama, en dónde homenajean a los hijos pródigos que supieron hacerse famosos al sur de la frontera. Repasemos: Bryan Adams (Músico) Paul Anka (Músico) Glenn Gould (Músico) Joni Mitchell (Cantante) Alanis Morissette (Cantante) Céline Dion (Cantante) The Guess Who (Banda de Rock) Neil Young (Cantante) Guy Lombardo (Bandleader) The Tragically Hip (Banda de Rock) Shania Twain (Cantante Country o de Música Campirana como dirían los Simpsons) Fay Wray (Actriz) Michael J. Fox (Actor) Dan Aykroyd (Actor) Hume Cronyn (Actor) Christopher Plummer (Actor) William Shatner (Actor) Donald Sutherland (Actor) Kiefer Sutherland (Actor) Lorne Michaels (Creador de Saturday Night Live) Martin Short (Actor cómico) Leslie Nielsen (Actor cómico) John Candy (Actor cómico) Jim Carrey (Actor cómico) Mike Myers (Comediante) Cirque du Soleil (Troupe de Circo) Ivan Reitman (Productor/director de cine) David Cronenberg (Director cinematográfico) Norman Jewison (Director cinematográfico) Louis B. Mayer (Pionero de la industria del cine) Jack Warner (Pionero de la industria del cine) Linda Evangelista (Supermodelo y Actriz(?)) Wayne Gretzky (Jugador de Hockey) Y no se olviden: "No todo lo que reluce es... yankee" Amén.

¡...A-LA-BRIANO!

He sorprendido gente durante los años. Sobre todo en este último viaje mío. Gente apenas conocida y amigos del alma por igual. Tanto en Sudamérica, como en Europa y el Medio Oriente. Todos piensan que es una broma al principio. Hasta que me ven hacerlo. Para todos aquellos que no tuvieron la suerte de verme hacerlo, acá les dedico este post.

PASO 1: Sentarse a la mesa con pastel de papas. PASO 2: No olvidarse de llevar Ketchup. PASO 3: No olvidarse de llevar azucar.

¿Como es que los Briano comemos el Pastel de papas? ¡De la única manera posible! ¡Con ketchup y azucar!

PASO 4: Embadurnar el pastel con Ketchup. PASO 5: Espolvorear azucar sobre el ketchup de manera que quede bien pegadito. PASO 6: Mezcle a gusto.

"¡Lo único que le falta es chocolate rallado!" dijo sorprendidísima hace unos años Micaela Rosas.

PASO 7: Abra grande la boca y sea feliz!

MONUMENTOS NACIONALES

La argentinidad al palo!

I UANT TU ROK AN ROLL OL NAIT...

Anoche tuve una pesadilla. Soñé que, ante la falta de guitarrista, Kiss me elegía dentro de una lista interminable de violeros para reemplazar a Ace Frehely. Inclusive agarraban a otro porteño para la bata, ya que también les faltaba Peter Criss. Todo el sueño transcurría en una fiesta pre-recital en Velez. Yo nunca agarré una guitarra en mi vida. ¡Ni siquiera puedo pronunciar arpegio, menos que menos tocar uno! La pesadilla consistía en que me pasaba toda la fiesta tratando de hacerles entender a Paul Stanley y Gene Simmons que mis aptitudes para la viola no eran las mejores... mientras por dentro temblaba imaginándome arriba del escenario sin siquiera poder tocar un mi mayor! Ellos, obvio, no me daban bola. Tranquilamente podría haberles dicho que no sé tocar y haberme dado media vuelta, pero en el fondo, soy un tipo realista, si no lo hago ahora, ¿cuándo me voy a subir al escenario de Velez frente a 50.000 fanáticos en campera de cuero que me ruegan que toque...? ¿Eh? En un momento venía el manager de la banda a ver si yo había recibido un sobre en el correo que contenía las partituras de los temas que tenía que tocar y la acreditación como miembro de la banda. En un rapto de iluminación divina, se me ocurrió preguntarle al batero si podía tocar la viola mejor que yo. Feliz ante el prospecto de que él sí podía tocar Samba de mi Esperanza, me entusiasmé con la idea de intercambiar lugares con él y sentarme atrás de la bata, para lo que tengo más experiencia que con una stratocaster. Lo último que recuerdo es la banda subiéndose a una van que nos iba a llevar al estadio... y yo tenía un par de sticks en la mano.

FINAL FELIZ

¡Amén!

PERLAS DE SABIDURÍA #5

DISCLAIMER Aca deben leerse las mismas excusas que doy siempre que posteo algo y que mi vagancia me imposibilita traducirlo al castellano. Estas son cosas que pienso al considerar si publico algo así o no. Esto es demasiado bueno para no publicarlo.

25 Questions Men Want to Ask Women

Yep, today I shall provide some of my responses to an article featured on MSN. Though I think they are not exactly really representative of the burning questions most guys would like to ask…but here goes. (Disclaimer: This is solely my side of the coin...) 1. Why do you all wish we were more like John Cusack? Answer: John Cusack? Well, cos, he’s always being cast as the nice, sensitive and very likeable guy in his movies. I like him as Jonathan Trager in “Serendipity”. I am sure his upcoming show, “Must Like Dogs” makes him very appealing to the audience too. 2. Do you or don’t you want us to open the door for you? Just let us know, and we’ll act accordingly. Answer: Duh, of cos! It’s the least a gentleman should do. It reflects a lot on one’s upbringing. Do it for everyone (man, woman, the elderly and the young please!) A small gesture goes a long way. Brownie points for all who does it. By the way, ladies should help open doors too, especially when your guy has his hands full with your shopping bags. 3. How can you look so cute in pigtails? Answer: Cos, I am naturally cute…Or could it be your fascination with the Lolita look? =P 4. Why the fascination with Harrison Ford? He’s old enough to be your father, for crying out loud? Seriously. Answer: Personally, Harrison Ford’s not my type. SEAN CONNERY is the one who is the object of my fantasy. Haha. Why, you guys are also fascinated with mother figures too…On a serious note, that is because they just get better with age. Take comfort in that knowledge that we’ll love you more with each passing day/ year. Check out Sean at this site and you’ll know why he’s my fave: http://www.seanconnery.com/. Philanthropic, loving husband and eyes that exude dependability. Need I say more? 5. When you ask "Does this look okay?" do you want honesty or support? We really can do both. Answer: Depends on your spouse/ partner—think with her in mind. Is she a person who needs assurance more than honesty? In my opinion, a self-assured lady can carry off the most terrible outfits and accessories with grace and charm. 6. How can you complain endlessly about having "so much work to do" and then find the time to go shopping or talk to someone on the phone for two hours? Answer: That just means one prioritizes those activities over the urgency of work. Tough luck. 7. Do you ever get tired of watching The Sound of Music? Answer: Yes. (Sometimes, the best movies need to be watched only twice (max), and be remembered fondly for. Ladies, practice more restraint =P ). 8. Why is each anniversary such a big deal to you? I'm not talking about yearly anniversaries, but our first date? Our first kiss? The first time I met your mother? Answer: Honestly, I don’t know yet… Because you are special and I want to remember everything about us? 9. Do you think I'm better looking than Brad Pitt? Answer: Yes, you do! Totally! I will choose you over him anytime! What’s the big deal about Brad Pig? Crap. (yea, come and send me hate mails…) 10. How can you always remember those little things, like Great-Great Aunt Emma's birthday or the anniversary of Cousin Susie's dog's death? Answer: Cos I love them. And I would remember the nitty-gritties about you too. 11. Why do you always ask us questions when you already know the answers? Answer: I want a second opinion and I try not to be Miss-Know-It-All. Who knows, you may enlighten me! 12. How can you always be up for going shopping? Answer: Really? That’s so untrue. I rather laze in bed… 13. Chest hair — good or bad? Answer: Aw…come on, we love you warts and all and you are asking about chest hair? Please… 14. Boxers or briefs? Be honest. Answer: Boxers for me. Checkered ones... (Answer is definitely not representative of the female population. But boxers are more comfy right? Guys are at their most charming when they are comfortable in their own skin.) 15. Why do you find it endearing when a guy's in love and won't take no for an answer in the movies, but in real life you call it stalking? Answer: In the movies, the guy who hounds the daylights out of the female lead is inevitably suave, charming and an incredibly good catch. There exists a discrepancy between reel life and real life only because in real life, the ‘stalker’ is usually none of the above (actually, even sadder…like low self-esteem, scarily obsessive and devoid of social skills). If not, we wouldn’t avoid him at all costs (which lead to stalking incidents). We would date him. =) 16. Why is it so easy for you to stop and ask for directions?

Answer: Cos I am too lazy to figure it out myself. Plus, it would be easier to appear ‘stupid’ than try so hard and get it wrong. Definitely a more painful ego bruiser. Ouch! 17. How do you innately seem to know what can or can’t go in the dryer? Answer: Intuition. Or previous painful lessons, incurred at the expense of a shrunk Marc Jacobs top. 18. Why do you always complain about your mothers and then end up talking to them for hours upon hours? Answer: It is better to talk to them then to be nagged at by them. 19. Why do you always go to the bathroom in groups? Answer: Cannot relate…sorry. (But, some gals bond in the bathroom by gossiping/ bitching about others.) 20. Facial hair. Good or bad? Answer: Again…have more confidence will ya? But I like my guy clean shaven. 21. Looks or money? Answer: Can I have both? It’s like asking you, “Beauty or brains?” Seriously though, none of the above. Just treat us nice and that’ll suffice. Some can be good-looking jerks, others can be miserly millionaires. Not attractive either way. 22. When you ask, “If I died, would you remarry?” What exactly are you looking for? Answer: Guys, I think you have all been harassed to death by this question (or questions of this crappy nature). Poor things! And gals, please don’t ask such a bloody question to torture your sweethearts. Totally a great waste of energy. Worse if the conversation escalates into a heated, tearful “You don’t love me enough!” argument. Get a life. 23. If I died, would you remarry? Answer: (CAN BE USED BY BOTH GENDER TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF THE ABOVE CRAPPY STICKY SITUATION) Here goes: My dear, if I had a choice, I would choose to die before you do, and that would have saved me from the heartache of losing you. (Stop at this point, if she turns soft and teary and touched. Yea right, like she’ll give up…) (If she persists—which 99% of the time, she would) Continue with: No, never! Never, ever! (Please try to say this convincingly, accompanied by a steady, loving look into her eyes. And God bless your poor soul for lying through your teeth!) [This section shall be explored in detail in my next blog entry, cos, I do have some personal opinions on it]. 24. Does your dad like me? No, seriously. Answer: He would, eventually. (Cos, time will prove to him that you actually turn out to be the great guy I know you are, and the guy I love can stand the test of time) 25. How do you mange to be so cute, charming, silly, frustrating, beautiful, mysterious, complicated, simple and unbelievably interesting? No, seriously. Answer: Simple, that’s because you love me for all that I am and in your eyes, I can do no wrong. (And gals, if your guy thinks the above of you, you are very blessed to have found The One). As originally published by I.V.Y in Pursuit of Enlightment.

TOP TEN PELÍCULAS

Este es el primero en una lista de artículos sobre diversos Top Tens. Me pareció piola empezar la serie con uno bastante típico. Todos, pero este en particular, son solo vigentes en el día que se publican, por que al día siguiente, cambio de idea.

1. Psicosis (Psycho, 1960)
2. La Guerra de las Galaxias Episodios I-VI (Star Wars Episodes I-VI, 1977, 1980, 1983, 1999, 2002, 2005)
3. El Ejército de las Tinieblas (Army of Darkness, 1993)
4. The Matrix (Matrix, 1999)
5. Los Secretos de Harry (Deconstructing Harry, 1997)
6. La Maldición del Perla Negra (Pirates of the Caribbean - Curse of the Black Pearl, 2003)
7. Trilogía Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones Trilogy, 1981, 1984, 1989)
8. Memento (2000)
9. ¿Quién Mató a Harry? (The Trouble with Harry, 1955)
10. El Gran Salto (The Hudsucker Proxy, 1994)

Los invito a mandar sus Top Tens en forma de comments. Les tiro algunas ideas: Top Ten de olores, bebidas, accidentes geográficos, plantas, hotties, etc.

¿PORQUÉ ES FERIADO HOY?

20 de junio de 1820: Muere el Gral. Manuel Belgrano. 20 de junio de 1938: Se aprueba la Ley Nacional N°12.361 estableciendo el aniversario de la muerte de Belgrano como el Día de la Bandera. 20 de junio de 1957: Se inaugura en Rosario (provincia de Santa Fe) el Monumento a la Bandera. RECETARIO Siguiendo con la tradición de llenar este blog con información totalmente inútil, les dejo una receta electrónica para que cocinen su propia bandera argentina en el fondo de su casa. INGREDIENTES: Una computadora. Preferentemente una Mac, aunque no excluyente. MODO DE PREPARACIÓN: Celeste R153, G205, B255 HTM#99CCFF Blanco R255, G255, B255 HTM#FFFFFF Amarillo R255, G205, B51 HTM#FFCC33 Negro R0, G0, B0 HTM#000000 Sal, pimienta y patriotismo a gusto.

¡FELIZ DÍA, PAPÁ!

¡A todos Uds. que tienen hijos, les quiero desear un muy feliz día del padre! ...pero especialmente les quiero mandar un gran abrazo a:

• Félix G.A. (1er día del padre)
• Adri I. (1er día del padre)
• Pato G.D. (1er día del padre)
• Smart (2do día del padre)
• Pablo (2do día del padre) y
• a mi viejo! (29° día del padre)

¡Ah, y no se olviden de la Hepatalgina!

PERSONAJE DE LA SEMANA: Hoy Laika

Laika (Лайка=ladradora): Perra rusa y primer ser viviente en salir de la atmósfera terrestre. Despegó en el Sputnik 2 el 4 de Noviembre de 1957.

Laika.

Laika fue recogida de las calles de Moscú con 3 años de edad, y fue adoptada por el programa espacial ruso.

Alias conocidos:

• Kudryavka ("Pequeña enrulada")
• Zhuchka ("Pequeño bicho")
• Limonchik ("Limón").
• Los resentidos capitalistas yankees la "bautizaron" Muttnik (Juego de palabras entre Mutt ("Pulgoso") y Sputnik).

La finalidad de la misión del Sputnik 2 fue asegurarse que seres vivos pueden sobrevivir en condiciones espaciales. Abriendo las puertas al diálogo de mandar a un ser humano en una cápsula futura. Las ondas de radio que emitía el Sputnik con la información de los sistemas de navegación pudo ser recibida por cuanto radio aficionado se encontraba en un radio de 10.000km de Rusia.

El itinerario del Sputnik cubría 7 días de estudios. Después de eso, la maquinaria estaba programada para apagarse sola. (¡El último que apague la luz!)

Ella murió durante la misión, pocas horas después de haber despegado. De hecho fue la única misión espacial tripulada por un animal en dónde no existía plan de recuperación. El verdadera motivo de muerte (sobrecalentamiento de la cápsula) se dio a conocer muchos años después. Originalmente se divulgó que fue envenenada como parte del programa para que no sufra uando se acabe el oxígeno.

Sputnik 2.

*** ARTICULO DEL NEW YORK TIMES (del 3 de Noviembre de 1957) Soviet Fires New Satellite, Carrying Dog; Half-Ton Sphere Is Reported 900 Miles Up Orbit Completed -- Animal Still Is Alive, Sealed in Satellite, Moscow Thinks By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS London, Sunday, Nov. 3 -- The Soviet Union announced today it had launched a second space satellite -- this one carrying a dog. Radio signals indicated that the animal was living, the Russians said. A satellite six times as heavy as the one sent up Oct. 4 now is circling the earth every hour and forty-two minutes at a height of 937 miles, Moscow said. This means that the speed is nearly 18,000 miles an hour for the 1,110-pound satellite. The dog was reported hermetically sealed in a container equipped with an air-conditioning system. Moscow Radio said data received from the second satellite indicated the "functioning of scientific instruments and control of the living activities of the animal are taking place normally." First Trip Reported The new satellite carries transmitting equipment and apparatus for measuring cosmic rays, temperature and pressure. It also carries equipment for reporting the condition of the dog. It first passed over the Soviet capital at 11:20 P.M. Eastern Standard Time last night and then completed its first trip around the earth over Moscow at 1:05 A.M. today, the Soviet Union reported. The announcement said the second satellite was "dedicated to the fortieth anniversary of the great October revolution," which the Communist world will celebrate in Moscow beginning next Thursday. The new earth satellite is completing its orbit in about seven minutes more than the original Sputnik, still circling the earth. Japan Receives Signals Moscow said the second sphere was sending out two radio signals. One, like the "beep" signal transmitted by the first satellite, is on a frequency of 20.005 megacycles. The other signal, at 40.002 megacycles, is a continuous note. In Tokyo the Japan Broadcasting Corporation announced that radio signals from the second satellite were being heard. The corporation picked up the signals twenty-three minutes after Moscow's announcement. The "beep" was at intervals of three-tenths of a second. A three-stage rocket shoved the original satellite into its orbit. The first Moscow announcement of the second sphere did not explain how it had been sent up. Although the announcement of the satellite's passing over Moscow indicated an interval of one hour and of forty-five minutes, Moscow Radio said the orbit would be one hour and forty-two minutes. Moscow Radio last week announced that an animal-carrying satellite soon would be launched. The Oct. 27 broadcast said preparations for launching a new baby moon were near completion and that a team of dogs had been conditioned to provide the first passengers to rocket off into space. The announcement was followed by a later broadcast direct from the laboratory where the dogs were being trained. The radio audience was introduced to a "small, shaggy dog named Kudryavka," which barked into the microphone. The Soviet Union announced Oct. 4 that it had the world's first artificial moon streaking around the globe 560 miles out in space. The Russians said the first satellite had been launched the day before by a multiple-stage rocket that shot the satellite upward at about five miles a second. Scientists around the world traced the first satellite in following days. Its characteristic radio signal -- "beep-beep-beep" -- provided the basis of tracking. The radio transmitter has since gone dead. President Eisenhower, at an Oct. 9 new conference, said of the military significance of Russia's first satellite: "That does not raise my apprehension, not one iota." On Oct. 13 the Russians hinted at a permanent earth satellite that would last for hundreds of years. An article in Pravda, broadcast by Moscow radio, said such a project was plausible in the light of available data about the density of the upper layers of the atmosphere. "It is completely realistic to speak about the launching of a satellite which will exist for tens and hundreds of years," the article added. "Such a satellite would be virtually a permanent earth satellite." A Soviet engineer, K. Malyutin, predicted on Oct. 26 that a satellite would be launched that would circle the earth forever and provide a platform for space ships. Mr. Malyutin, writing in the Soviet magazine Aviation, did not say when such a missile could be launched. He observed, however, that "contemporary levels of rocket technique allow the assumption that launching such a sputnik is fully realistic." In announcing the launching of the first earth satellite ever put in a globe-circling orbit under man's controls, the Soviet Union claimed a victory over the United States.

TODO MUY RICO...

¿Cuál es la definición de Karma? Cuando en forma de broma yo solo compro Pepsi, y Félix no viene a la fiesta. El 99% de las fotos salieron feas. Sin duda me lo merezco. Por haber comprado solo Pepsi. La mayoría de la gente borraría fotos tan feas... pero yo no soy parte de esa mayoría. Ya lo dice el personaje de Robin Williams en "One Hour Photo": "La gente solo saca fotos de los momentos lindos que quieren inmortalizar." Yo, en cambio, las guardo como palanca para futuros chantajes. 99% ...de las fotos.

Look-Ass... ¿No se re-parece a Guille, el hermanito de Mafalda? Rufus. Cumpleañeros... Toma 1. Cumpleañeros... Toma 2. Cumpleañeros... Toma 3. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 1. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 2. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 3. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 4. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 5. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 6. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 7. Caro, July y Juan... Toma 8. Cada uno en la suya...

1% ...de fotos que salieron bien.

Lau, Her y Ceci. Rafa y Ani. La bella y la bestia... pero, ¿quién es quièn?

FOTOS QUE HABLAN POR SÍ SOLAS

La parejita feliz... Toma 1. La parejita feliz... Toma 2. A fin de cuentas, el único que sale siempre bien, es Juan de Kacir.